Stately speech

Lord Chancellor, did I deliver the speech well? I am glad of that, for there was nothing in it. (George III.)

According to President Obama, who usually shines at sophisticated syntax, "a good piece of legislation, is like a good sentence; or a good piece of music. Everybody can recognize it. They say, 'Huh. It works. It makes sense'." A statement like this makes any language nerd first glow with pleasure, then glower. Although Obama praises the beauty of a good sentence, he does it not quite correctly. Everybody is an indefinite pronoun that refers here to a nonspecific group of people and requires a singular verb. “Everybody can recognize it” is indeed correct since can remains unchanged whether used as a singular or a plural verb. However, because everybody requires the singular, it cannot be followed by they. In order to avoid the correct but awkward phrase “He or she says, 'Huh…,” the speaker should have combined both sentences, telling his listeners that “Everybody will recognize it and say…” Opinions on the use of they differ , yet if as easily avoidable as above, just don't combine an indefinite pronoun with a plural pronoun.
Far more disconcerting is Obama’s statement that "When it comes to Iraq, I opposed the war. It was a bad idea, but as we bring out our troops, I have responsibility; ... Just because I opposed it, doesn’t mean that I don’t have responsibility to make sure that we do things in responsible fashion." The question is what the bad idea was. Grammatically, it would refer to the previous clause “I opposed the war.” Is this what the speaker really meant? I doubt it.
Nevertheless, such mistakes are still a far cry from another president’s musings over whether "the highways on the Internet will become more few." However, Bush’s question whether "our children is learning?" has found its match last week. In an interview, Janet Napolitano reassured us that she keeps “focused, really trying to ascertain who needs to be our targets." Bush and Napolitano obviously have a problem with subject/verb agreements. Children are learning – or not. Targets need to be ascertained.
In her interview, Napolitano asserted that her focus on clear targets shall help to keep paranoia about terrorism attacks at bay. Several months earlier, the Vice-President tried to keep another paranoia at bay – not very successfully though. On the Today Show, he provided handy tips to protect against the swine flu and maintained that he "wouldn't go anywhere in confined places now. … When one person sneezes, it goes all the way through the aircraft. That's me. I would not be, at this point, if they had another way of transportation, suggesting they ride the subway. If you're out in the middle of a field and someone sneezes, that's one thing. If you're in a closed aircraft or closed container or closed car or closed classroom, it's a different thing." We understand that he wanted to say that, right now, he would avoid confined spaces such as airplanes. Less clear is already what it is that spreads throughout the aircraft. Considering the following sentence “That’s me,” one is tempted to assume that he himself is going all the way through the aircraft. Although Biden may be ubiquitous and influential, he certainly did not want to compare himself with an influenza virus. It gets utterly confusing when he continuous that he “would not be” – what? He would not go all the way through the aircraft if they had another way of transportation? Who the heck are they anyway? But back to the questions what he would not be. In fact, he would not be suggesting that anybody rides the subway. Confusion always results when related words are not kept together. In this case, the speaker even split the verb, inserting one phrase (at this point) and one clause (if they had another way of transportation) between auxiliary verb and main verb, which makes his statement barely comprehensible.
Joe Biden finally recommends not being in “a closed container,” which echoes Janet Napolitano’s observation that in order to keep the country safe, “you can’t put the United States in a big Tupperware container.” Picture in your mind the images you create! Figurative language can endow a text with fresh effects or insights, but when it slops over, it messes up the whole thing. Watch this
literally hilarious lesson.