Machin-ations

Comedy Central is an old hat. Real comedy comes from Google Translator. Would somebody like to know which rules govern a job interview overseas? As fast as lightning, Google Translator renders the advice offered in the German newspaper Die Zeit into "English:"

Hardly can you go wrong in a dress trousers plus shirt or blouse. In a sweater looks good with a V-neck. Even in conservative companies such as insurance is not expected of candidates for an apprenticeship, that they wear a tie. For a bank to wear a suit, including boys, but his shirt and tie. For young women should be a dress or pantsuit. And, if you are not currently advertises in a hip advertising agency, sneakers are out of place.

Despite the abominable grammar, one might still get the gist. But it gets outright hazardous when the message is turned upside-down as in the following sentence translated from a German novel: The Tricky at the hook, which had swallowed the doctor was, however, was that those far from blameless woman unconsciously a faithful wife. Where, please, can I buy this hook that can swallow a doctor?

And what do the European nations think about the crisis in Greece? According to Google Translator,

ahead of EU Summit is coming to the debate about the responsibility of EU member states for problem cases such as Greece. But Chancellor Angela Merkel rejects concrete commitments for EU support to the highly indebted country as from still. "Help is on Thursday, not on the agenda," Merkel said in the "Interview of the Week" in Germany radio. They do not at present, that Greece wanted money. This had the government in Athens just confirmed again. "Therefore, I advise us to cause no trouble in the markets, by false expectations for the Council meeting next Thursday to awaken." Merkel added: "Greece is not insolvent and therefore the issue of aid is also not the one we now have to discuss."
On the prospects of a reorganization of the Greek household, Papandreou appeared optimistic. "Greece will not go bankrupt," he said. "We ask anyone about to pay our debts." However, his country needed political support against those "who speculate against us and take us the opportunity to borrow money on terms that we can continue to breathe.

Hearing that “help is on Thursday” rather than merely on the agenda, that there is even the slightest chance for the Council possibly waking up, and that the Greek government will “ask anyone about to pay our debts,” might have prompted many Greeks to enthusiastically dance Sirtaki on the streets – had it only been this way.

Here are the original passages followed by a hopefully halfway sane translation:

Kaum etwas falsch machen kann man in einer Stoffhose plus Hemd oder Bluse. Darüber sieht ein Pulli mit V-Ausschnitt gut aus. Selbst in konservativen Unternehmen wie Versicherungen wird von Bewerbern um einen Ausbildungsplatz nicht mehr erwartet, dass sie eine Krawatte tragen. Bei einer Bank sollten Jungs aber einen Anzug samt Hemd und Krawatte anziehen. Für junge Frauen empfiehlt sich ein Kostüm oder Hosenanzug. Und: Wenn man sich nicht gerade in einer hippen Werbeagentur bewirbt, sind Turnschuhe fehl am Platz (Die Zeit 3/19/10). One can hardly go wrong with dress trousers and a shirt or blouse. A v-neck sweater on top always looks good. Even conservative businesses such as insurance companies don’t expect the candidate for an apprenticeship to wear a tie. For an interview at a bank, however, boys should wear a suit with a dress shirt and a tie. For young women, a suit or pantsuit is recommended. And, unless one applies to a hip advertising agency, sneakers are out of the question.

Das Verflixte bei dem Angelhaken, den der Doktor verschluckt hatte, war jedoch, dass jene untadelige Frau keineswegs unbewusst eine treue Frau war (Doderer, Die Strudlhofstiege 10). The tricky thing about the bait the doctor had swallowed was, however, that this blameless woman was far from being a faithful wife unintentionally.

Im Vorfeld des EU-Gipfels spitzt sich die Debatte um die Verantwortung der EU- Mitgliedsländer für Problemfälle wie Griechenland zu. Doch lehnt Bundeskanzlerin Angela Merkel konkrete Zusagen für EU-Hilfen an das hoch verschuldete Land weiterhin ab. "Hilfe steht am Donnerstag nicht auf der Tagesordnung", sagte Merkel im "Interview der Woche" im Deutschlandfunk. Sie sehe im Augenblick nicht, dass Griechenland Geld brauche. Dies habe die Regierung in Athen gerade nochmal bestätigt. “Deshalb rate ich uns auch, nicht Unruhe auf den Märkten zu verursachen, indem wir falsche Erwartungen für den Rat am nächsten Donnerstag wecken." Merkel fügte hinzu: "Griechenland ist nicht zahlungsunfähig und deshalb ist die Frage der Hilfen auch nicht die, die wir jetzt diskutieren müssen."
Zu den Aussichten einer Sanierung des griechischen Haushalts zeigte sich Papandreou optimistisch. "Griechenland wird nicht Bankrott gehen", sagte er. "Wir bitten niemanden darum, unsere Schulden zu begleichen." Allerdings benötige sein Land politische Unterstützung gegen jene, "die gegen uns spekulieren und uns die Möglichkeit nehmen, Geld aufzunehmen zu Bedingungen, die uns weiter atmen lassen" (Die Zeit 3/19/10). In the preliminary stages of the EU-summit, the debate over the responsibility of EU member states for problem cases such as Greece is intensifying. Chancellor Angela Merkel continues to refuse making concrete promises for EU help for the country so heavily in debt. "Aid is not on Thursday’s agenda” said Merkel in the “Interview of the Week” with Deutschlandfunk. At present, she cannot see that Greece needs money. The government in Athens just confirmed this once more. "Therefore, we would be ill-advised to create any turmoil in the markets by raising false expectations about the Council meeting next Thursday." Merkel added that "Greece is not insolvent, and therefore the question of any aid is not one we need to discuss right now."
Papandreou was optimistic about the chances for a recuperation of the Greek budget. "Greece is not going to declare bankruptcy," he said. "We are not asking anybody to pay our debts." What his country needs is political support against those "who speculate against us and thus rob us of the opportunity to borrow money on terms that allow us some breathing room.